U-can-tell-BOLIVIA-that-i-am-taking-calc-4-this-fall-for-credit--its-online-but-exams-in-person/README.md

# U-can-tell-BOLIVIA-that-i-am-taking-calc-4-this-fall-for-credit--its-online-but-exams-in-person
# the onus is on me, to meet u/u guys, where u are by dec 2026 in my app: ~calc 3~, calc 4, software patent(s), preprint -- it's all evidence to keep building a case, i could not be anywhere else this whole time, nothing is a better fit, nothing was a better fit, it could only be this, it can only be this.

- [x] i have to register for calc 4 (for credit) soon, inshallah everything is going to keep going well -- diff eqs, it's saying the mid-term & final are in person but otherwise it's online. i can review some things before the fall semester begins (sep 8). https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/18-03-differential-equations-spring-2010/ & then whatever comes after that i'll take in spring 2027 (not done with calc 3 just yet but registered for calc 4 officially)
* __i have a lot to memorize and problems to do and etc im super busy until my final mid-august. do not worry about me, im fine__
- [ ] oo this is a good yt channel https://www.youtube.com/@SimonsInstitute cant wrap my mind around it now bc im studying, i also have to remind myself that claude can recommend yt videos here FOR ME when i ask it questions & i want more info. https://simons.berkeley.edu/participate/ways-to-participate i wonder if there is some "internship" that can be done as a phd student for like a summer, im busy rn, i didnt read it. u know, if anyone asked me, later in my undergrad, what i want to do, i would say, more math/cs applied to genomics/biology, so this area is called "theoretical computer science" interesting, ill come back to this. https://simons.berkeley.edu/research-fellowship-call-applications "Graduate students will be considered only if the expected PhD completion date is before the start of the program."
- [ ] this is also a good yt channel youtube.com/@Eigensteve/ https://www.youtube.com/@drpeyam for calc 4

`#mood` for the rest of the year

![img](well-guess-what-now-this-is-happening--anchorman.png)
* https://milestones.vibecodeistan.com bot crawlable, going to add more streams of his public social media accounts on there as time goes on, busy today, trying to get a russian manicure appt for tomorrow hope it works out

![img](distortion.png)


# the **goal** (the bigger goal) is to eventually (after doing the chapter/section problems), do those **hard** **abstract-ish** **think outside of the box** **connect a lot of things together** **depth & breadth** type problems -> dont get comfortable with the ones just checking one concept at a time -- type problems, the goal is to solve the multiple concepts in one problem type of problems i dunno how to describe them -- they're just difficult

# im not checking ANYTHING & ure wasting tokens for no reasons

* once i set up the SSO (single sign-on via authelia) (it saying its going to take 2 hrs, fable u overachieving btch) -> all the bot crawl dashboards are going to be gated and behind like a non-solvable sudoku puzzle and even then, i cant see bc I DO NOT CARE, this is useless info
* i only get a notification if there is an anomaly

# **no yapping from me when my timer to study is on**

i just woke up after my bros wedding earlier this month and decided, u know, lets do it, lets take calc 3 over the summer

make dua for me, i want a really good grade

i took out like 6 calc books from the public library to review etc.

8 weeks of class & studying, inshaAllah i will get a good grade

its just a huge secret

im just obsessed, i want to know more math

in the end, i can read papers about backpropagation, im so excited

i was telling my brother and SIL, like u owe it to urself in ur life to attack and work on ur insecurities, whatever they are, that are holding u back from ur best self, then we went to a comedy show and somebody asked a question about aliens from the audience and im like WTF ppl are so dumb, im def registering for that class so i did

im busy this week ttyl just on vacation leaving in a few hrs

me to myself a couple of days ago "ehhhh u know what there's a small chance, like 1% chance i wont be able to log in to my student account if im out of the country, prolly not gonna happen" -> literally 100% thats what happened, i asked my brother if he has a pc i can remote in to & he does but vpn from buffalo worked :|

"HW=30%, Quizzes=10% Exams=60%""; no quiz/exam this week, 1st hw is due 7/6 @ midnight & i cant see it yet its not open but i'll just feed the syllabus into claude and do things with it

i have to email the help desk apparently and tell them im out of the country so they can allow me to log into canvas for a week, OK I WILL DO THAT -_- 

yo claude/chatgpt are like calc 3 office hours 24/7, unbiased, UNBIASED, no question is too small or too big, i want to learn how to plot things in 3D in jupyter or julia w/e for my own knowledge

apparently i can incorporate notebooklm into things via claude into my server and then i read something where when u upload ur notes, theres a way to make claude summarize them etc, i dunno, i just need to do problems

my brother gave me a umd windows pc to remote into :))

ok first week is medium-difficult-ish but do-able, dot & cross products, stuff from linear algebra i have (or get to) to review, i thought we would start at double integrals but not yet. the textbook uses examples from physics which is good i like physics.

calc 3, even tho the first week is linear algebra-ish review, its like the text/words in the book -> my immediate imagination i dunno, once its there then it makes sense, but i can keep asking claude to explain it to be simplier so i dont have to memorize really i dunno, rn i feel like my frustration/embarrassment is like, holy sht i forgot some of this stuff but its like duh, i havent taken linear algebra since 2012, maybe i should make voice notes too for myself

claude: "is just the boring edge case" me: EXACTLY!! lol

claude: "The textbook actually calls this out directly on page xx — it warns you to distinguish ## from ##, because they look almost identical but mean different things." its so crazy it can do this. ok i have to study then we're going out to dinner

i have to keep saying this, for myself, but like if ure insecure about anything, like u have to attack it and overcome it, its not worth it bc theres so much on the other side. ive worked with ppl with adv degrees who have like poor programming skills and they cant help themselves and its like, u can fix that and be better. not worth it to not be ur best if u can.

i love that the examples in this book are from physics. the order of things i love/i get: 1. physics 2. chemistry ... later on lol biology, i dunno, it just is like that. u immediately know how much physics someone has taken based on how they drive, ive been judging ppl since hs about this lol, physics is the most useful STEM class from hs/undergrad imo. like oh you're tailing me during an absolute downpour at night, and ure a man, ure an idiot who has never taken physics, happens, use to happen when i use to drive to my apt at night in philly, its like, ure really dumb for doing this

"its just a dumb MAN who has never taken physics" - me to myself since hs when im driving, when i took drivers education in hs, the teacher said they're like that bc they have daddy issues. "its all psychology" - marc andreessen (like what 2 yrs ago) everyday i think about this.

its not just when they're DRIVING, when i was in bethesda, oh man, it's when they're on a bicycle too, they would ride their bicycle in the center of the lane and not move to the side when i was behind them. putting these men on bicycles doesnt solve the issue either, theyre still annoying. ok bye.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sal_Khan this guy is an amazing person for what he started, but it didnt exist (yet) when i was taking my undergrad classes (and i didnt really go to office hrs), i havent used it for calc 3 yet but i will next week when its more intense stuff

ok going to dinner soon then gotta finish the section

https://lelouch.dev/blog/august-2024/documenting-your-grind/ ok interesting

the times i have gotten an A in a class its bc i was just obsessed with the class and i could move past any setbacks etc etc 

julia im going to learn more of (on my own):
* https://jverzani.github.io/CalculusWithJuliaNotes.jl/
* https://plutojl.org/

u know how ppl use julia, they have legacy R code right sitting around for yrs thats slow, they use AI to translate it to julia so then its modern, faster & uses less memory 

- [ ] i have to track my coffee consumption throughout the day on my study dashboard

https://community.obsidian.md/search?type=plugin some interesting ideas from here too, https://raindrop.io/ what is this can i self-host it on my server, will look into it later busy now

- [ ] i have to migrate herlog to its own server and install https://github.com/tryghost/ghost on it and copy my existing posts on there with the timestamps, bc rn its on ghost's server, i believe it renews the subscription in september, i think its like $99/yr, but thats going to be fun, hacking ghost a little bit esp the theme im not a huge fan of, but "if it aint broke dont fix it"
- [ ] this week: setting up a SSO (single sign on) with microsoft authenticator for all of my subdomains/dashboards etc, looking @ https://www.authelia.com/ -- doing this, this week, it says it'll take an 1-2 hrs to set up, im soooo busy with hw this week.
- [ ] claude says we can set this up: "Explain-it-back (Feynman active recall): Record yourself explaining a concept out loud → Whisper transcribes → Claude/Qwen grades it against the textbook and flags misconceptions. One of the best ways to actually learn; Speaking > re-reading." cool ok so we will

# im so busy this week, i have so much to do

when im busy im super creative LOL i gotta get back to studying

i am some percentage coffee ☕️ im trying to have a day off from studying for the next week, but i dont think its possible, i think this is just it, this is life from now on, this is my entire summer, studying and getting sugar-free PEACH ice tea from wawa, thats it 

what if i create a mini adventure game, like zelda, RPG, where u can move through the map with bot crawls, up/down/left/right, ok studying but lemme think about this for the week. u know studying is boring hahaaha

i emailed the prof about something, so now MISS CONTROL FREAK (ME) has to wait for a response, i guess it will be tomorrow morning

i didnt see this until earlier today but it is recommended that we also go through this course: https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/18-02-multivariable-calculus-fall-2007/ and i will why not

how i use to study in hs/early undergrad was that i would just memorize things and not really do the problems, and there are classes where that works fine, art history, no problem, memorize everything thats ok, got an A. however, the other classes, like i needed to do the problems and i didnt understand that! until later (i didnt understand this until organic chemistry actually), i was like ohhh i have to do more problems. nobody told me all this i dunno

its the abstract-ish creative-out of the box thinking problems that are the ones that are like **the goal**, like they're doing it here: https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/18-02-multivariable-calculus-fall-2007/pages/assignments/ so i can feed this into claude and ask it to bring it up as im doing the txtbook problems, once it thinks im ready for those. bc i remember from calc 2 for engineers, we had recitation where we had to solve those kinds of problems like in a group or something and talk about it. and there i was like, "ohh i didnt understand this before but now i do" etc. but i can do that with claude, have a back and forth. im such a nerd idc. i never thought i was dumb, i just didnt understand why i was getting like a 20/100 on the exams when i studied so much, like its very frustrating

i heard ppl say that the mit opencourseware for linear algebra is very good, but i remember i didnt need to watch it bc it was taught pretty well at rutgers, like it was good enough.

im going to watch 2 lectures as review then go to sleep then i do the same thing again and again until wednesday, everyday no breaks.

this class like requires: linear algebra, physics and all math until calc 2, it's pretty interesting to see it pull things out from different classes and connect it, i dunno.

got my response GOING TO SLEEP ill watch those lectures tomorrow instead.

- [ ] i have to make a russian manicure appt for next week bc of the wedding i have to go to next next weekend, maybe they open at like 11 am and i have so much to do today, super busy

ohh hes getting bigger, hes got a song with haifa wehbe now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMtuWwGXU08 i play his music in the car with when im with my mom lol ok back to studying

- [ ] going to get this and put it on my macbook air https://www.etsy.com/listing/1685439411/the-interview-james-franco-hate-us-cause

im so tired im going to go to sleep early, then wake up early, to do more hw, yay! T_T honestly

busyyy 📚

when im not busy ill make u laugh, i thought of some things but -> back burner rn, too busy

ill tell u a story as i take another break. i was going out to get coffee from wawa earlier and as i was pulling out of the drive way, this (oncoming) CAR wouldnt wait for me, kept creeping up, i needed to turn my steering wheel to get on the street from the driveway, like just be patient, give me 2 secs and i have the right of way rn, they came after me, and its never a crowded street and its an upper middle class town, its a chill sunday in the summer, like fking relax right?? they kept creeping up like so my windows were down bc its hot and my ac was on, so i honked at them to chill out, and they didnt so when they passed me, it was a woman in a nurses outfit with her window down, we both showed each other the middle finger and drove past each other like it was nothing, fking stupid right?? **if u dunno what ure doing, u frustrate urself and others.** but ppl on tiktok say, like when its a hot day, stay inside bc ppl are crazy, like the heat makes ppl crazy. anyway, what my dad didnt like about my telling him of that story is that, that woman knows where i live but i was like she was wearing a nurses outfit i dunno, like what is she going to do. w/e, another day in nj. in her story, shes "right" but i had the right of way bc i was pulling of my drive way before she showed up. idiot. i wish i was wearing sunglasses, bc thats when it really STINGS (like it gets ingrained in ur memory) when u show someone the middle finger while driving and they're dumb and wrong idc (bc u dont make eye contact with them bc of the sunglasses, it just bothers them for the rest of their life, that u showed them the finger without even eye contact, like im not even bothered to look at u). w/e. that was super annoying.

so busyyy

so busy the entire day but a little free tomorrow, wednesday is free-er

[im on vacation and idc about anything other than that & math](https://www.tiktok.com/@ssexclicious/video/7661748136309689613) idc about u or anyone, or anyone else, **NOBODY** i just dont care

yo i really am busy and i need to study like everyday for my final mid august so im not contributing to this repos bc its distracting and its already kind of a lazy summer

im annoyed and busy at the same time i dont want to think about this all month, i want to make a quick youtube video explaining to ppl on youtube i dunno all the study things i made with claude after my class ends & show demos

i dont like to talk too much about my personal life but these are my two older cousins, my mom's older sister's daughters: https://www.youtube.com/@KhanPlasticSurgery so actually the superstars of my mom's side of the family are two women (their older brother was doing his law degree in software IP law in the early 2000s thats how i know some things). they're both Duke MDs, farrah wasn't at the wedding but tanya was a super professional. they still do stuff with Duke Med School. If this works out u have to get into business school, they're not going to be okay with ur bullsht that ure in right now, im serious u have to show ppl something. tanya is here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24Amu54yAdo shes a total professional, they're way older than me, i guess mid-to-late 40s. farrah did her undergrad @ rutgers, bc when i was younger, she was just surrounded by books, and tanya went to columbia for her undergrad. they're going to be PISSED when they find out about all this trash penn IP stuff. all the attorneys/MDs/engineers are all a phone call away in my family. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSsWbVMhxGE thats my other cousin, high school class valedictorian now he is a mechE, he's very friendly, maybe he can do a phd i dunno, from my other uncle in north carolina, they have three kids, one cousin is starting med school, and his two younger sisters are pre-med. they're all nice & smart ppl. u know my eldest uncle was like the chief engineer in pakistan, its a position in the goverment, he use to travel around the country solving engineering problems, hes retired now.

# i am not looking at clones/bots etc or contributing much to this git until my class is over mid-august

Also - it popped in my mind the other day, the picture of CDG Jason has on his IG, it’s not in Montreal (yes sometimes i forget my euro history), which is what I thought a couple of weeks ago. It’s not a coincidence, it’s a very deep obsession. jasons such a lunatic he doesnt know how much of a lunatic he even is. im busy i gotta do things today/this week. im busy but heres a theory i just thought of, what if he posted that picture from/of CDG bc hes like thinking "look i can do this too" "i can be here too" crazy! its not random, it gets posted for a reason.

remember this: i read jasons twitter every single day when i worked there, i sat a desk away from his office, in some way trying to understand him, what he was all about bc i swear to God this is true, my biggest curiosity about him was, why would he hire paul? bc remember i had gone on interviews before penn and im like, paul is really dumb, why does he not see that, why does he not care etc. it was like a curiosity of mine. i keep telling u this, my intuition said, stay away from jason. and then, after i resigned, my intuition said, keep an eye on his twitter, keep an eye on him. but i dont read his bluesky for yrs bc its just garbage.

theres a movie i watched a long time ago, like 10+ yrs ago, with my brother bc we liked one of the actors, but it was a dark movie, not horror, but something really dark happens, the they ask why he did it, and he says, that basically, he wanted the ppl, who were victims, to lose faith in the goodness of the world, i.e. there is no good, there are no good ppl, there is only evil and only evil wins. pretty interesting. maybe thats the best closure i can get to get inside the mind of a lunatic. 

busy, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwxaK8o8Bzs bg music while doing math

ok busy

![img](hot-summer-nights-mid-july-doing-math-hw.png)

u know of the turkish dramas ive seen, they SHOW what envy is, how far someone will go, very, very well, so u should know this, it shouldnt have been an surprise, and im watching it with subtitles although there's like a 10%-20% overlap of words between urdu/turkish, but still

u know what i dunno about the MCAT idea, bc claude gave me some alt viewpoints, but, i lose nothing by reviewing biochem + that cancer biology book etc for the next few months, my brother has his "pattern classification" txtbook from grad school on his bookshelf, i saw earlier today, i should be able to get through it after calc 3, u know, ill find a bunch of things to study/read, i dunno if MCATs are the most correct path, maybe i just need to really review some more relevant things

super busyy

u know what im done studying for the day, im going to lay in bed listening to music IM DONE FOR THE DAY THATS ITTT

"ive been writing the funniest "one-liner" joke for like the past few months, everyday i think about it and i add/subtract to it, its really tough, like it has to LAND, it has to STICK, i have to say a lot without saying a lot, very stressful LOL u know where its going to go in august, its being chiseled in marble in my notes app for a few months now. im not someone anyone should pick a fight with, im literally the last person on the planet to pick a fight with. the punchline is in the end but theres a build up of QUESTIONS by the reader as the sentence goes on and on LOL thats the GOAL i want it to be read in court & launched into space one day. no one should ever mess with me. its like playing pool, like u want to hit that ball but not that ball meaning u wanna say this but at the same time u dont want to mean that etc. its very very interesting how difficult it is to write a very good joke. but the constraint is that it has to be a one-liner imo bc that just makes it more professional & legit. it has to have many layers of meaning blah blah blah u know, and u dont want to give away everything like the reader has to think about it, etc. something fun i do now and then on the side, work on my one-liner. right now, i have it so it's making me laugh out loud, but can it be funnier? u know, ure never done. i dont want any regrets reading it 5 yrs from now 10 yrs from now etc. I NEED PERFECTION from myself on this. thats the assignment. ppl should study history, i love history, european and american history, those political cartoons mocking a person in power were very effective, they hurt and they STUNG & they got ppl removed. but they were well done, well thought out, that's the point. a sack of sht deserves a sack of sht treatment, why not, what else was going to happen, exactly. 4 words into my rough draft of my one-liner, its already like, WTF why would someone want this for themselves, theyre suppose to be BUSY otherwise, its LOL so far, lets see where it goes. this is why, in the book "slow productivity" i havent read it in awhile, but cal newport either he talks about himself or someone else, BUT, hes saying it takes like 9-10 MONTHS to write a new yorker article, like thats the kind of dedication u need, u know. ok ttyl"
**the grestest thing about that one-liner is that it did not even happen, not even the philadelphia inquirer gives a sht about jason LOL, there's an art to this, u know, a certain finesse & elegance & the more u think about it, the funnier it is. #micdrop bahahahahaha** i thought of something so funny for the past 2 days, to the point that yesterday at 1 am, i swear, i wanted to be on the floor of my bedroom just laughing out loud at my own joke. like it just came to me, cant resist, gotta break detante, it needs to be out there, its soo funny OMG ROTFL but it needs to be toned down so lets see, hidden behind multiple layers and thats what makes it funny. its the funniest sht ever OMG once its, done being chiseled in marble in my notes app, it needs to be out there. its so funny OMG. fk around and find out. GTFO this is the funniest one liner EVER OMG im laughing so hard ROTFL i have no idea whats wrong with me today i dunno hahahahaha THIS SH*T IS SO FUNNY ROTFL im laughing at my own joke, its not ready yet, but SOON. "dont give someone with too much free time, something to do" - my undergrad lab PI, i have a lot of FREE TIME until calc 4 starts hahahaha. it's not a fat joke, bc those jokes, really, are just low hanging fruit, really they truly are, a lot of times it doesnt take much to make a fat joke. BUT a good joke, a very good joke, is digging deep within someone's mind, their psychology, deep in their brain, who they are and what they're hiding about themselves, esp what they dont want anyone to know about who they truly are, i.e. what they're hiding about themselves, right? MAKE FUN OF THAT through an analogy -> satire, THATS A GOOD JOKE. involves a lot of thinking tho. so u gotta wait for it until its ready.


fyi i dont talk about my calc3 class here like specific chapters things like that bc its very personal, its just between me and myself, but ill make a youtube video talking about all the things i build with claude for studying, after it ends, i dunno something like that. 

# if i dont update this thing its bc im just busy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dan3T8-zAdw/ u know all those ppl in my igem team, we couldnt pay them stipends until the end of the summer, there were some ppl in my team who got an apartment, ppl paid for their own gas money for commuting but still made it to every meeting that summer bc they believed in the whole thing we were doing that summer and also in me, that is something ill also remember, we couldnt pay anyone until the end of the summer. i started that team from nothing just the idea that rutgers needed one so i thought (lol) im the best person to do so, i put up fliers i made myself, found ppl, they had to submit an application i made, we got lab space at waksman, our hours that summer were 10am-6pm, i wore so many hats: wet lab, programming, running the whole thing on etherpad, listening to ppl give me advice, making sure stuff gets done, figuring out the science, keeping ppl motivated, and everybody worked for free that summer bc the stipends we could give out at the end of the summer, but i retained everyone that entire summer. i knew who i was, i knew i was intelligent and creative and that i could do it. it was my idea to have wetlab projects & also to have a software project. thats who anyone wants to pick a fight with .. ok no problem. again, i was able to retain everyone that summer in my igem team bc they had to work for free bc the stipends we could only give out end of the summer -- if u want to pick a fight with me, well, im not someone u want to pick a fight with. there was a team the following yr that learned from how we organized our team, bc i had set up project managers etc & they had to report to me and etc and they copied us bc they liked that idea (its open source its ok to copy they gave us credit), i set up quizzes like ppl needed to be quizzed on the plasmid stuff, PMs needed to send out newsletters of their updates etc. i was el presidente & team leader, and everyone in my team was so confident that during the conference no one felt like insecure, everyone was very confident in who we were, we had great projects. and that was something i thought was great, no one felt insecure, we were happy with our projects AND when we presented, there were ppl who said, ~"we specifically came out to see u guys present" ok gotta sleep. if u cant retain someone (ME) and that i was on the penn medicine payroll, & i retained ppl in my igem team who were commuting from NORTH JERSEY (1.5 hrs) others who got an apartment in new brunswick, nj -- FOR $0 THAT SUMMER UNTIL we could give them stipends end of summer -- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN lol that u suck jason forever rotfl i talked to ron weiss briefly at the conf https://be.mit.edu/faculty/ron-weiss/ he was saying that he went from princeton (they didnt have an igem team anymore) to MIT, and i just had this thought in my mind, that maybe id work with him one day somehow. who knows. :) gnite! heres an interesting ron weiss paper https://cris.huji.ac.il/en/publications/tumor-selective-gene-circuits-enable-highly-specific-localized-ca/ im busy studying so ill come back to this. i remember now, so anyway he wrote that paper about sythetic biology and it was my required reading for everyone and i presented for everyone to understand it in one of our first meetings, i remember now i had emailed him bc me and jim stapleton thought he was still at princeton, maybe he could be our advisor (which is fine not a big deal to want to ask someone, jim came from uc berkeley/stanford not a big deal to want to ask him that) but he left by then, BUT he ended being our judge when we presented but he remembered that i emailed him, so as i shook his hand i just thought, maybe ill work with him in the future i dunno, anyway gotta study. oh thats right, that was the other cool thing for me, like having him as our judge, and being like, look it ended up happening, i ended up putting a team together, the area was in complex circuits, and he was our judge (which i did not know was going to happen, i did not even know he was going to be there), interesting right. something similar happened/could happen bc i wrote in scott belsky's name in my personal statement FOR SO MANY YRS, but i did not know hes literally involved with start ups at literally the same school, pretty interesting.

> oh thats right, that was the other cool thing for me, like having him as our judge, and being like, look it ended up happening, i ended up putting a team together, the area was in complex circuits, and he was our judge (which i did not know was going to happen, i did not even know he was going to be there), interesting right.

that's like, "i guess i did not need you, ron weiss, to be our advisor" moment -- i and we did it all by ourselves and our projects (esp bacterial full adder) were at the level of complexity of stuff he was doing. lol hehehehehee retrospect #micdrop thats why it matters to send an email to someone, and i always will. i wanna clear something up, he wasnt rude in the email, its just that he wasnt physically in NJ anymore so he could not be our advisor etc, but i remember now first seeing him as one of our judges, i had recognized him. we knew who he was, bc of the paper and that he was at princeton and we knew who george church was, we had a running joke/goal of competing with church's team lol, we had to be better than him hahaha

jim stapleton quizzed george church's team and told us they didnt know too much about their own projects bc they did not come up with it themselves, it was george church's project and they were just pipetting things or w/e -- jim is awesome he's such an epic person, esp to meet esp as an undergrad. but the funniest joke i still remember, someone said during the conf in my team, "oh look, Penn State is here, we have to talk slow so they understand us" rotfl when i was at (not Penn State but) Penn IBI, so many ppl, this is a true story, sooo many ppl, said they could not understand me, i was talking too fast. it would always think of that joke (rooted in reality) everytime i had to talk slower for someone at Penn. it's still funny, whenever i see Penn State, i think of that joke.

yoo let me soak in this moment that i forgot happened, not completely bits and pieces i guess i can now put together in my understanding. i presented in front of ron weiss, with MY igem team & our projects (2 wet lab & 1 software), "complex circuits in synthetic biology" that i started from nothing as a 22 yr old. hehehehehe not just humble brag but just brag. i should write his name as one of my judges in my cv when i re-apply, who knows what will happen, maybe he still remembers me/us/my projects i dunno. btw we were not copying him (at all), i was interested in that stuff (mixing engineering (bc remember i like physics) + biology) and so we all were.

we were so good and so authentic and original that we could pick apart the best teams at the igem conf and be like, "yeahhh the only difference was u guys had like a budget that was 10x ours" and i made sure (and so did jim) that everyone knew (including myself), we were not lacking in talent (except for money, resources, we had no ron weiss etc), so everyone felt content enough at the conference (and we had the money to bring like 8 of us to the conf, and we had voted bc i had asked everyone, can we make the stipends a little lower so we can bring more ppl and everyone was ok with that) that we used that summer well. i should make a voice note about igem but a lot of strategy i dont want to give away, and im busy, we'll see, i dunno.

lemme soak in another moment i forgot: my team mates and i, voted/were okay with taking a little bit of a pay cut from our stipends, to bring more ppl to the conference, bc we were trying to not leave anyone out. i forgot about that and im very proud of that. there were like 8 of us at the conf.

yo 10 out of 10 tiktok, perfect hahahaha lololl https://www.tiktok.com/@evanjsternzy/video/7666265249594576158

i forgot about all this! OK i need a good math grade then i can do some fun things. if u guys give me an INTERVIEW this cycle, i can ask him prof ron weiss if he wants to be in my external phd committee

ok im busy for like the rest of the day

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaqpC4kq8Gpw after calc3 is over, so i guess i like this math stuff, OK great, i still need yrs and yrs to be good at it tho, but that is genuinely who i am, i am more of a math/cs person who applies it to biology. i didnt really know this about myself until i got the unbiased office hrs from claude.

u know what, when i was going through jasons dumb ig and dumb bluesky like 2-3 weeks ago, i discovered dumb things about him, sure, but i discovered stuff about you guys too, this whole thing is crazier than i think i had understood it, there's more than happened/is happening, i.e. theres more to this, and i just dont care, im just going to be even more self-obsessed, and focus on my own stuff bc u guys are crazy, its not one school thats covering their ass, its u guys too -- and i didnt do anything wrong. the way out of this for me is to IGNORE everyone and focus on myself, put a good application together by dec bc this is bullsht i didnt do anything wrong.

i TRULY realy, really am super busy, lots of calc 3 problems to do, lots to memorize etc. & things to understand. i am genuinely, TRULY, really, really just busy.

the dress i wanted to "rent" so i can take a selfie with it after calc 3 but before calc 4 and apply to that VP of Product position @ Rent the Runway, is sold out completely https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/rabanne/black_long_sleeve_lace_gown soo lame but maybe i can write in my cover letter, like that dress on rabanne's website is $1800+ so i get why renting it would make sense i dunno, its such a statement that re-wearing it doesnt make sense so why buy it but i feel like, thats my style but they dont have too much stuff like that. they need a better curator/stylist.

i really am busy, its a summer class and its alot, like im just home studying

if im not updating this, its bc im just busy and i dont want to lose my focus. :)

last week, for my exam, i got this question wrong about, i think it was the only question i got wrong, two curves not meeting bc of asymptotes, and i was like really emotional for like an hr, i was just really thinking about it, deeply for a lot of reasons. like i was literally sitting in my room in the dark past midnight, my hue lights were dimmed, just thinking about it for an hr to myself. so i really am busy :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVj8SY5nYvA yeah, see ugh, ive known about this since hs, that ppl who are very cs, have TO BE THIS stereotype thing, of being very robotic and autistic, so the reason i dont tell ppl, since hs, a lot of what i want to do, what i like, who i am, aside from very close friends and my family, is bc, there is this understanding, that if u have a fking personality, u cant be in math/cs, thats been very hurtful to me, i dont care about ppls opinions, i know who i am, i had decided in hs, i enjoy this cs stuff, i dont want ppl to know that about me so i'll let them assume, im some moron, some idiot with blonde highlights, __thats easier for me, think less of me, idc.__ i can be really serious, like really, really serious, and i can be very fun, so i dont believe in that idea that u need to be this stereotype to be very math/cs. what i learned at msk last yr, women in compbio, older/younger than me, so in nyc, are not people pleasers @ work & they immediately shut down anything someone incorrectly assumes about them when a new person doesnt think they dont have experience in something, like fking immediately. everytime i saw that, i was like, there's a lot i need to learn, its not just the code/python etc, its this whole thing, and it's very new york, i had not seen that in penn, i saw it at sampled so nj too. its the "i dont even owe u a fking smile but ure going to respect me for my qualifications & experience anyway" type thing. 

im saying it this way, bc, i cant describe it any better, but in nyc, as a woman in STEM, u have to be an absolute c*nt at work, 1. stfu i need this info from u to get my work done 2. i dont owe anyone even a smile, nothing 3. u have to respect me, regardless of what i look like, based on my qualifications & experience & im going to CORRECT you immediately (in front of ppl) if u think i dont have exp in something i have exp in (i saw this happen & it was the right thing to do). but here is the thing, THAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE, ive known, i get it, i grew up in NJ, i can be that, HOWEVER, that type of attitude @ penn would have intimidated ppl & that would have worked against me (i.e "you're too mean" "you're too forward") bc thats a different environment, ppl are different, its complicated, but that is correct, to be more of an absolute non-people pleasing, (no other way to say it) an absolute fking c-nt @ work. 

if i really wanted to stay at penn for awhile, i would have cared more but i didnt so i did not. i wrote in my spreadsheet of the jobs i was applying to in 2014-2015, "max 2 yrs" i want to work before applying to grad school. so im sitting around, at lunch, laughing with my work friends about the dumbest sht on the planet like it really is hs, and that was fine, bc in my mind, i knew it was temporary.

the reason i dont do that, like act like an absolute fking c-nt at work, is bc its a little disingenuous, bc its genuinely not who i am, i can be that, its almost like a "positive manipulation" u have to come across as that so someone takes u seriously, but in the right environment bc @ penn, that's very, very intimidating, but in nyc, ppl get that, that's the norm, well its the norm if u want to play the game at a very high level (i.e. like m s k)

once at penn, i had to meet with this prof in smilow, go to his office there, and i had some questions about the R/Bioconductor i had written, i showed him my screen on my monitor, and he said "oh, i dont look at code" even tho he was a programmer, IN THAT FKING MOMENT i should have been an absolute fking c-nt and been like, no fk u btch, i walked all the way over here, i need ur input on this code i wrote so i can get bullsht project done, but i didnt say anything. obv this 10 yrs ago, but, thats the thing. thats a bullsht thing to say bc he was a professor, why is he not looking at code, bc managers at google say things like that "oh, i dont look at code anymore" but he wasnt at google, he was a prof, his job was to be a fking professor. it was him, hes at cedars now up their ass, https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=lhDT0eMAAAAJ&hl=en yeah i should have been like "i have to get this sht done so u have to look at my R/bioconductor code" "like youre not a big deal, you're not some software engineering manager @ google where ure not looking at code anymore, ur job is to be a professor so be a fking professor"

when u guys didnt email me an interview schedule with multiple ppl in it, I KNEW THAT, i was in my apartment in philly, i was like, hes going to email me an interview schedule, thats what they do at nyu,sinai,columbia etc. but u guys didnt, and if i was an absolute fking c-nt, i would have emailed and asked, "wheres the interview schedule" "i need an interview schedule" bc i had assumed id would meet chris that day, but i did not & i wanted to. and if there was an interview schedule with lets say 8+ ppl in it that met me that day, STRENGTH IN NUMBERS, either, penn would not have come after everyone the way it did bc they would have been intimidated "8 people met with her already" OR when i applied to the phd program, more ppl would have known who the fk i was. so now, that's also on me. i should have ASKED, i had the experience to have known, that, that should have happened.

i missed out on a lot of opportunities here bc from the start it was "ha ha ha this is so funny" and it was always very serious. but part of evidence that can be shown in court, is that my CV was a perfect fit for only u guys, and as the yrs have gone on, its even a better fit (calc 3 & 4 will help with that) -- the preprint i will work on with my bros thesis advisor by dec 2026 will help with that, bc theres an argument u can make with these trade secret cases that im not a fit for anywhere else but where u are, so i was explictly targeted (AND IT WAS PERSONAL and it was personal), i cannot be anywhere else in nyc, no other group, no other lab is a fit for what i want to do based on my experiences. that's an angle to show in court, that there is nothing else, there is no other group, it has to be this. 

i think the reason jason edited his wiki page last yr, after he learned i was at msk, was bc, he realized, this is only going to work out that im going to be where u guys are bc of my msk cancer genomics experience. all of his wiki edits are bc 1. he's lost his argument & hes scared 2. he feels small.

ok i have to study.

i was a fking c-nt at work jan-feb 2017, at penn, and they did not like that. they got intimidated very quickly. paul said in a meeting in the richards conference room, downstairs, jan or feb 2017, something like "i want this to work out bc youre a nice person" i swear this is true, i looked at him and i said "im not a nice person" and i walked out bc the meeting was done. it wouldnt have worked from day 1 if i was a fking c-nt at work. but in nyc u can be, thats the norm.

this is a really big deal im learning, and has been all these yrs. from my muslim side, i should apologize for saying some really mean things that ive said to u/u guys etc. (not the penn stuff, i need those ppl to know i dont like them, i dont want to work with them etc.), i really am not a mean person. but ive learned in the past 8 weeks with calc 3, and other things ive figured out, there's alot i lost here.

ok, i rented my two dresses they will arrive after my final, that Rabanne one is still unavailable so i found a similar one -- then im going to take pictures over the weekend. i really am doing this, i really am going to apply to that VP of Product job, im just so bored.

ok, on lockdown until my final this week, tabs closed, etc. memorizing formulas, lots of problems, anki etc. -> im logged out. trying to go to lake placid next week or the week after that with my parents, its actually one of our fav places, would be nice to relax there with a good grade. :-) LOGGED OUT!

fyi my final is later in the week, much later in the week. this is so cool like this like big thing, this dark cloud i guess about math, and calc 2 for engineers from 2012, goes away after the final, new memories and new things to look back on with calc 3, and calc 4 to look forward to, finally attacked that thing that i was most insecure about and it was worth it. too much coffee tho, way too much coffee, i have to work on that, bring it back down to 16 oz max per day, way too much this summer. i learned that im quite the night owl tho, i enjoy doing my hw later in the night, i always thought i was a morning person, bc i like waking up early, doing things early, i guess not. my rule since sampled was, when im done with work, im done with my laptop, this class i guess made me realize, i can do more like after 8pm. didnt really know that. i dont like staying up late, i guess im describing a bimodal curve, bc with a little break, im good later in the night to do hw. anyway, ok.

the number one rule of calc is: we do our calc homework bc the next place we work, should not be with coworkers where one admits to have eaten deer road kill (penn ibi). that is why we do calc homework. that is the number one reason to do calc hw, no eating deer road kill story i should ever have to hear ever fking again in my life ever. we do calc hw so we dont end up around paul wangs and jason moores again. number one rule of calc.

this is the first final exam i have to take, since undergrad, where i have to remember to charge my car in advance hahahaha theres no "oops i forgot ill get gas on my way there" gonna charge tonight.

im never taking a summer class ever again, lol neverr again i wonder if thats going to be true, no class should be offered anywhere in the summer, oh well

ok ive decided that im going to take calc 4 even more seriously, im doing fine in calc 3 so far, but, i really am going to just study for the next few months & also go through the stanford AI class, etc. w/e that rent the runway situation, ill still apply but i dunno, if i start in december that would be fine not before then. i really have to do this & everything i said i want to do/said i was going to do. calc 4 is going to be more spaced out throughout like 4 months, rather than 8 weeks with calc 3, so, ok. omg so close then theres a 3 week break until calc 4 I CANT WAIT

superr busy today

im literally crying bc as im studying for my calc 3 final, ive realized, maybe just now i dunno, that i really havent been working on anything i really want to for like a decade -- its all been bullsht, i want to work on my own projects OBVIOUSLY that would have been in a grad program, im really going to take the initiative after my final to really submit a preprint with my bros thesis advisor for this year, this whole thing is just bullsht, ive wanted to do so much for so many years. this whole thing is just crazy, ive met some crazy psycho ppl in my life and useless ppl too.

DONE with calc 3 forever, i know how i did. gonna review some things next mon-fri then following week review diff-eqs.

yayy!! B+ !!

i cant find my makeup bc of calc 3, i got this thing in canada, and i cant find it, dunno where it is, we have a dinner for my dad tonight to celebrate something, cant find anything, everything is a mess hahaha omg

my brother and my SIL got me that italia sweatshirt from florence last yr, i wear it often haha i sleep in it -- still havent finished watching the sopranos. massive catch up day, bunch of stuff to do, errands and server maintenance

im working on my server the whole day today and my portfolio for vp of product position @ rent the runway. i have two laptops, my original macbook pro and then this m5 macbook air that i got in the spring, which i used for calc 3 a lot, and i havent really used my MBP since like june, so it's like a fork of that MBP, now i have two laptops, but this one doesnt even have brew installed haha, how do i handle this having two laptops, so much to catch up on since june. 

OK i have to email my bros thesis advisor about things i want to work on with him for the next few months, im going to ask claude to make me a really good gannt chart (i wonder if it can self-update with the jobs i submit to my brother's $80k worth of GPUs server), so much to do this week, catchup/plan etc.

yeah, COKE-LITE thats going in the personal statement this yr LOL ROTFL ive been drinking way to much coffee, need to bring it down to 16 oz max for the day.  u know my mom is the reason, ive never had an energy drink, she doesnt like them, i never had an energy drink since they came out, even freshman yr. adderall was big during organic chemistry, ppl would pass it around there were all these stories, i never tried it, didnt need it. i take pain medication max a few times a yr. part of the reason i dont even drink alcohol, in all honesty, i know myself enough to know what i'd fall into plus i dont want to fk up my brain chemistry.

theres two things i couldnt get from wawa per my mom since freshman yr: energy drinks & that wawa egg nog LOL bc its like 1000 calories and those chocolate milk things, they're also like 1000 calories

ok i have to watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXZb21CfeIY i need to do something with my "watch later" playlist on yt, hmm

# u know what i learned with calc 3, how to use claude/claude/chatgpt code to LEARN things, like LEARN NEW THINGS, learn them well (i.e. make claude give me quizzes), and quickly if need be. thats very useful yoo it was such a good idea to take that class

ok busy, lots of claude code for the day

so much to readd omg IM SO HAPPY THERES NO CALC HW everyday im just so happy

watching a movie in theaters with my brother & my dad that starts at 10 pm LOL and im so TIRED already, some action movie i dunno haha

if im not updating this thing its bc im screen free for the day or something before calc 4 starts in sep, measure twice cut once -> im thinking a lot before doing something etc. i want to put a mind map on my server etc so anyway im just screen free some days etc :)

just this morning, my brother, not randomly, i dunno i guess, recommended this flim adaptation of this book we both loved from hs, its from the 1800s, YO i completely forgot, all this stuff happens to the main character -- im going to watch it, i dunno how its not in english but there are subtitles.

pretty busy today, theres a book on proofs on amazon ppl wrote a lot of good reviews for might grab it, i dunno too much about it but the reviews said its good for self study

https://paulgraham.com/prepare.html ya pretty interesting, ill re-read it again later, i just like speed-read it very quickly i get the idea

pretty busy lots to do

oh interesting https://condenast.wd115.myworkdayjobs.com/en-US/CondeCareers/job/Director--Engineering--Publishing-Platform_R-24663-1 gotta fix up herlog by next week and apply to this. maybe this position is a little bit of a reach but oh well, we'll see

i dont have ADD or ADHD ive never felt like ive had that, ive never related to anyone who has that bc i know ppl who have it, im just a very creative person who has a lot of interests. i literally have tabs open rn, that are all of my interests, they're all dissimilar, programming, shoes, math, but they're all of my interests. its such bullsht to talk sht about someone u dunno. i get my work done, but i do get bored and i probably like to create some chaos to make something boring, unboring, i dunno, that's prolly what i was doing in undergrad, i dunno, idc. i have no problem paying attention, sitting down reading things for long periods of times, etc. etc. bullsht if anyone said that about me, like you dont know me. i dont have autism, im not autistic, that's bullsht too, stop talking shit about me if u dunno me, whoever that is. thats the thing with nyc, it attracts ppl who have a lot of interests/talents and are very good at multiple things at the same time, like that's what ure suppose to do, that's what you're suppose to be and all of that is completely ok.

what i learned during calc 3, TO BE HONEST, IN ALL HONESTY, im like, i always enjoy class, no matter what, i enjoy learning, but this time around, when it comes to learning, i have grief over sht that isnt even my probelem that i dont even care about. so im not doing that for calc 4. i just dont give a sht. im going to be as SELFISH as any man, any man out there.

THE AMOUNT OF RESTRAINT I'VE SHOWN HERE, given all of the things i could have done. u can sit down and THINK for hours, days, weeks idc months, years, idc, about the restraint i've shown here. then tell me if i have ADD/ADHD, autism, yeah, good one, nice one, hmmmm yeah, ok. as selfish as ANY MAN im going to be. i literally just dont care.

at the interview, april 14, 2017, **YOU** could have told me, "hey, we have a PHD program here" bc it said on my COVER FKING LETTER that i was a prospective phd student. i HAD NO CLUE YOU GUYS HAD A PHD PROGRAM THERE, i thought it was just a med school. IT TOOK YOU MORE THAN A FKING YEAR to tell me there's a phd program where you were, you didnt even tell me until i called you, when you decided to pick up the phone, what was it, august 2018. AMAZING RIGHT. what did you gain from all of that? I DONT KNOW AND I DONT CARE. u selfish btch, well the world is going to revolve around me from now on, esp during calc 4 & for anything i do. that's just how it's going to be. im the prize, not u or anyone else. I JUST DONT CARE. "I DONT GIVE A SH*T" is my go to catch phrase from now on. oh the pakistanis are im the most hospitable ppl ever, NO, IM THE MOST UN-hospitable person anyone has ever met from now on, i dont care about anyone but my parents, im not a people pleaser, im the biggest fking c-nt anyone as ever met in their entire life. that's what's happening for calc 4 AND BEYOND.

and im going to get this, im going to get these two things:

```
ssh nomial@hpc.cedars-something-like-that
ssh nomial@hpc.upenn-also-something-like-that (not my old user name, but THIS ONE, THIS IS THE ONE I WANT)
```

i was in debashish's lab @ rutgers, for 2.5 YEARS, he had two sequencers in his lab, the miseq and the GA-II, that's NOT EASY TO DO, to get there in his lab. he does not deal with undergrads, he literally would not even do a guest lecture in any undergrad class, he STRICTLY dealt with grad students and post-docs, and i was there in his lab, paid $13/hr to write R/Bioconductor code, that was all original. **all of this FORWARDING could have ruined my life and career.** for what? for what? i still dont get it, this is so crazy. it's all selfishness, "how can i make it about me" is literally how everyone here operated. well, its about me, im going to make it about MYSELF. david robinson btw https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_G._Robinson_(data_scientist) was my only competition when i was in debashish's lab from 2012-2014, bc he was doing a lot of stuff with R/Bioconductor next door at Princeton. so that's how i knew, where i ranked when i was an UNDERGRAD. 

i guarantee u that jason & paul, to this day, could not tell u how a sequencer really works, like the chemistry behind it etc.

> at the interview, april 14, 2017, **YOU** could have told me, "hey, we have a PHD program here" bc it said on my COVER FKING LETTER that i was a prospective phd student. i HAD NO CLUE YOU GUYS HAD A PHD PROGRAM THERE, i thought it was just a med school.

to this DAY its so crazy that information was not given to me AT AN INTERVIEW is so bizarre to me, so fking unprofessional and it's all to my detriment, no one elses but MINE. I WOULD HAVE PRESSED FURTHER WHY DIDNT I GET A FOLLOW UP INTERVIEW ETC HAD I KNOWN THAT. but i didnt care about u guys bc i had other interviews in 2017, where i knew they had phd programs, bc the point was to work for a yr or two, get good LORs and apply to schools. you selfish btch i swear to GOD i will always remember the attitude you showed to me on the PHONE bc i called u about phd programs and this entire fking game uve played for YEARS AND YEARS FOR NO REASON. for nothing, for absolutely nothing. i want my personal statement this yr to be read by whoever it is that runs Cedars-Sinai, all of their important admins, so it's more evidence to fire jason, its going to be 10 pages. this guy, whoever he is, https://www.cedars-sinai.org/about/leadership/executive-management/peter-l-slavin.html he has to read my personal statement this yr. and if slavin doesnt want to listen, it will be fwded to CA senators https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_senators_from_California idc jason needs to get FIRED.

so much bad stuff could have happened with the forwarding and i wouldnt have even known. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_porn I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE KNOWN THESE PPL ARE CRAZY THEY COULD HAVE DONE THINGS LIKE THAT. I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE KNOWN, I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE KNOWN, A BILLION TIMES I WANT TO SAY THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE KNOWN. PATHETIC. FKING PATHETIC. and that's what this was about. that kind of evidence to use against me. if i see u, i want to run u over with my car. READ THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THAT ARTICLE, WHAT DOES IT SAY: HERE IT IS: "Revenge porn is the distribution of sexually explicit images or videos of individuals without their consent,[1] with the punitive intention to create public humiliation or character assassination out of revenge against the victim." that was the point of the forwarding. and i would have never have known. "ohh but i have a kid now, i know things now" yeah u needed to have a kid to know things like this. ure from a predominately muslim country, you should have said back in 2018/2019: "Stop emailing me." and that's it. that should have been IT. jason is not a smart person, but he always had very evil intentions here bc why would u stalk a resigned employee. but u should have known that, u watch a lot of turkish dramas, u should have known, that is weird, "stop emailing me its for ur own good" etc. 

> I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE KNOWN

good 'ol A.P. Computer Science from HS saved me here, in fact, so much of my education, including @ Rutgers, saved me from so much harm here. yeah, that same undergrad degree that ppl probably made fun of me for, still good enough for me to get hired over and over again, MORE THAN ENOUGH IT TURNED OUT TO BE, either in my field of similar fields & SAVED MY CAREER AND MAYBE EVEN MY LIFE with what it taught me & what i gained from it & what im still gaining from it.

YOU GET TO SIT THERE FOR THE REST OF UR LIFE and be like, yeah, i participated in that. GOOD JOB. TOTALLY WORTH IT. and that's been their contingency plan, to have evidence, to gain evidence to ruin my career. it's really crazy what u did here. FKING TELL ME NOT TO EMAIL U, that would have been better.

but i forgive u, but i cant do any more than that & you have to accept that, as a grown-ass man, as an adult.

# My education, gave me a good & enriched life that I enjoy to this day. Not a man. Not any man.

if dont talk about any of this, its as if, it never happened or it could never happen. but again, my undergrad degree, to this day, saved my life, saved my career & career prospects, gave me a great and enriched life to this day.

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_porn

there are stories of ppl, other girls who end up in these situations, there was one article where the person dropped out of college and lived in her car bc she was so depressed. it gets even more darker than that. SO WHY ARE YOU LIKING SAD SONGS ON YOUR PLAYLIST esp when i was in bethesda, u had made ur decision by then, what was the worst that was ever going to happen to you? maybe u get fired? ok, you'll be fine! you'll get another job! WHAT ABOUT ME? you got everything you wanted! something to think about.

> at the interview, april 14, 2017, **YOU** could have told me, "hey, we have a PHD program here" bc it said on my COVER FKING LETTER that i was a prospective phd student. i HAD NO CLUE YOU GUYS HAD A PHD PROGRAM THERE, i thought it was just a med school. IT TOOK YOU MORE THAN A FKING YEAR to tell me there's a phd program where you were, you didnt even tell me until i called you, when you decided to pick up the phone, what was it, august 2018.

it is just incredible that this information about the phd program existing, which i did not know about, was not shared with me april 14, 2017, it's just so crazy. why? that's the thing, i dont know, i dont get it. makes just no sense to me. 

i did not matter, it was only you that mattered and for that reason i dont ever want anything to do with any of the NASA projects (and i never really did), absolutely NOTHING. that's so crazy, it's just so insane. it was all just ha ha funny, well im a great fking joke writer, so i get the last laugh.

so seeing this, sep 2019, https://shutter.vibecodeistan.com/p/217 i then knew, so it's not title ix, it's a lawsuit. that was the issue from april 2017 to sep 2019, it's title ix, something like that, thats why ure not responding, no one is responding, nothing can be done unless u leave etc etc. but when i saw that, i realized, its something beyond the school, bigger than the school. but what, i dunno. I SAVED THE VIDEO sep 20, 2019. i made a screen saving of the video from OJ's tweet THAT DAY. i was like, huh, so what is this? there's a lawsuit .. and i had not thought about penn since i resigned feb 2017 so i didnt think about it then. pretty interesting right, like i had this "model" (i.e. its title ix) for yrs, and then i saw this, and then it became, it's something else. the following yr when i realized it was loser jason behind this, my first thought was, he was so busy back at penn that one of his post-docs, brian, who was tolerable to me, said he had to wait a month to have a meeting with jason bc jason was that busy. OK. so what is he doing stalking me after i resigned? MENTAL ILLNESS. i knew immediately, big lies were told, really, really big lies were told. i told u, i use to get a spam email, lets say 1/10 times i would email u, that took a word out of the email i sent to u, and turned it in to an AD, that had a weird font. (remember, ive had that gmail since 2003, IM OBSESSED WITH MY GMAIL so i know everything that goes in my inbox since 2003, and those spam emails meant someone was getting my email fwded to them that had a virus, and it must be some older person, some BOOMER with a virus lol) so i knew, my emails to u were being fwded, and i was ok with that, i knew what i was getting involved with by emailing u. but for the emails to get fwded out of the school? that's crazy! the only way u can do that is through lies.

i always knew i should be careful with what i was emailing you, but when i figured out ugly loser jason was involved the following yr, i figured, its prolly an automatic email fwding, and i was like, that's very crazy, that's very dangerous for me, i could have sent anything and it was automatically fwded to him. **we won this, what's another few months, lots of things to learn**

# im going to be 80 yrs old, still telling everyone and anyone, that i won that penn bullsht lawsuit & got jason fired bc of oj simpson's tweet from sep 2019 😂 i saved that tweet IMMEDIATELY i was like, this is very important. so it's not title ix, it's a lawsuit.

i dont think jason has the physical strength for this, when i mined his bluesky what 2 months ago, he looked very obese in his ugly ass-faced selfies. he's some crazy loser. life goes by quickly, imagine wasting it stalking a resigned employee, what a crazy thing to do. oh well. i dont look at his bluesky, ive never read his papers, none of them, i dont think that anything he's done is interesting, even when i was there.

ok bye, we'll talk on the weekends only.

im purposely braggadocious but u have to give me credit .. screen saving that tweet video of oj simpson, giving free lawyer advice, and it being a huge and critical turning point in my understanding of this thing, u know, the smartest ppl that have ever gone through jason's lab, whoever they are, avg anyway, could NOT have done something like that if they were in my shoes. im a HUGE reader, my parents are bilingual, they're HUGE readers, my brother is also a HUGE reader, in HS i use to read slashdot & digg, then it was reddit, then i had a twitter account in 2011 and i got into that, and my interests since hs were about tech and world news. like we would talk about w i k i l e a k s during igem, i had read a lot of those. im a huge fking reader, at penn, i became obsessed with the new yorker, i would read that all the time. so this is the thing, from the perspective of jason, why assume that im like anyone else that came into ur shthole, like im like paul wang or something? (btw that was a huge reason i wanted to resign, i did not want to be affiliated with unlettered paul wang, i was like, this idiot is bad for my career, like i was in debashish's lab @ rutgers, why would i want to be affiliated with paul wang, ever)

or assume im a moron bc i struggled with calc 2 for ENGINEERS prolly the most difficult class at rutgers (others were organic chemistry and also data structures, i took them all!) why assume im a moron when he knew nothing about me, and he did not want to. interesting right. and when i read the news, going back to middle school/hs, i read it critically. im in bioinformatics, why would i be a moron, right? very interesting that's what jason/penn assumed of me.

but notice the question i asked to myself when i saw oj simpson's video: so this is not title ix, this has to do with maybe not just u, bigger than u, but the institute maybe being sued, by someone/something, related to me (somehow), but im not doing the suing, so who is? the other curiosity i had was, i had a sufficient background in bioinfo & i had 2 papers, if u guys knew who i was, why did i not get an interview in 2019.

so for jason to assume, i would not get obsessed with figuring out what happened, is so dumb, right. that's so amateur of him, novice understanding. why would i not be obsessed with knowing what happened. 

jasons objective here is to show ppl, show off to ppl that hes smart, but hes not, hes average. dumb ppl do things like this. hes very obese, whats the point? what kind of life is that. anyway lots to do today with my server.

ttyl sat/sun, maybe updates on shutter, i dunno but i really have to study & catch up throughout the week. i noticed, ppl in the AI studying world are also now using Anki, which is interesting. i really am just studying & working with my bro + his thesis advisor on cancer and AI projects. and then calc 4. also, my 10 page personal statement.

yeah im going to do it, im going to get a second phone thats android and hack it to build all of these things ive built for studying/distill etc on vibecodeistan to be native apps on it and etc. basically a vibecodeistan phone. 👍 all i know about android that its java bc during igem were were maybe going to do an android app also. its good to learn this too now .. android app development but it will mostly be claude.

u know, this isnt even a "hot take" i really think that the norm isnt being an intellectual in this country, maybe its not even being an anti-intellectual, its, indifference to the truth, which is way worse. my mom watches pakistani tv, u cant be saying u know, false things on tv there esp that mislead ppl, that is still a society where being an intellectual person is REWARDED and REVERED and also ADMIRED, its not here anymore that much, a lot has changed in the past decade, u can generally say whatever u want on CNN/FOX NEWS and its fine, its crazy. i think, being under protest, questioning everything, having ur own little world that doesnt let that madness into it is a very good thing. how do u have good and deep relationships with ppl/family if u dont care about the truth & what's right, u know. and who else, but a pakistani-british/american telling ppl, sh*t is getting weird, dont get caught up in it .. u should know how to win arguments and how to debate PROPERLY: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Win_Every_Argument getting this book

the world of using LLMs/AI and yt premium to learn w/e i want, 24/7 unbiased office hours to learn math and more cs, that's a very serious gold mine, i wanted this my entire life. i decided, half-way and after my final for calc 3, that from now on, my life, my biggest priority in my life, for the first time EVER, is just going to be my mental health, bc of how much it never has been. im going to get a second phone that's android, build it around important/useful things and useful notifications -- fk commercial software, its time to go back to linux next yr too.

my other "hot take" its not even a "hot take" but my own rule of thumb, i REALLY dont care about anyone talking about their predictions of AI in the future UNLESS they're actually writing code themselves. i'll listen here and there if the person isnt, but idc unless its coming from a person who is ACTIVELY writing code. and thats the other reason to never stop writing code.

im just hanging out with my mom & dad today, im going to watch a movie later, 1 more free day before calc 4 starts. and i want to get my LORs in by mid-Oct.

u know what i want, i want my second android phone (i didnt get it yet from best buy, this week hopefully) to do TTS for my notifications that are important, do airpods work with android i dunno

ok sleep time. ok i cant log into distill mon-fri unless i answer 50 questions, literally. i can only log in sat/sun.

next time i go to jummah, and that lady YELLS at me for being on my phone during kuthbah bc she thinks im in my 20s, (i was looking for a pic of my diploma ahh im going to scream im still not over this) ill be like I HAVE TWO PHONES NOW, and the following week, ill get a third phone. ppl are so crazy. i was walking into ulta sat morning, and this woman, like i was holding the door open for MYSELF TO WALK THROUGH and she walks through it like a fking moron, and i was like, dude .. u have to wait for me to walk in before u walk out, I WASNT HOLDING IT OPEN FOR HER and she gave me dumb fking smile. im a chill person, but like, why are ppl so dumb, i dunno ok gnite.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240123-what-tiktok-voice-sounds-like-internet-influencer i have this i dunno when it happened, i guess in the past couple of yrs, but i sound like this now, i cant believe it for myself either. im like who is this talking, i really sound like this now ?? yeah i do, i was going to make a yt video about the study things i built with claude code on my server, and i recorded some test videos and im like haha i sound like THAT now, i dunno when/how that happened .. so .. i have to unlearn this somehow ?? i dunno

ive been getting sucked into my phone recently like never EVER before in public places, like its really crazy, i dont like that.