HowToHandleUpsettingThings-LikeCalc2ForEngineers-IsSomethingINeedToFigureOut-WhatAWasteOfTimeToBeSad

all it required was u know picking myself up, taking calc 3 after graduating as a visiting student, i could have done this in 2014 but i just was so upset and embarrassed and i just ran away to philly really, that penn stupid job, i dunno

i use to think at penn, like im here bc of calc 2 -- i need to be here, 2 yrs max, before i apply to phd programs, but then it turned into in my brain "i deserve this penn crap bc i had difficulty with calc 2" and those two things are so fking unrelated

thats the thing in that book, "the inner game of tennis" that the best tennis players do: they are very quick in SELF-FORGIVENESS, they miss the ball or w/e they, self-forgive and then they move on. thats a big lesson, to be tethered to a mistake or an upsetting thing, is such a waste of time to be sad, longer than needed, i dunno

what was the embarrassment about, like what was the SHAME about like who cares, its just a class -- it was difficult, it just was i dunno it didnt mean i was dumb, it just meant, i didnt know the pre-reqs

i think i saw a tiktok someone make, like how u handle SHAME in life/how u move past SHAME, is how far u go in life, something like that its pretty interesting

thats right, my brother would say, "derive ur confidence from the right places"

ill come back to this, ttyl

u know whats interesting, the whole thing about self-forgiveness is something the best tennis players do, in islam, the process of forgiveness is a big thing that u get to do but in how it is practiced esp in shame based societies like asian countries, its for some reason a reason to shame someone if they messed up & its not their fault, its very interesting, american muslims dont shame ppl ive noticed, its a good thing bc thats how its suppose to moreso be.

THIS STORY i think about this every time i go to trader joes, how he handled this, he handled it so well:

on some interview, he said "every job is a good job" anyway he was a sucessful actor and someone took a picture of him working at trader joes and the internet shamed him and he owned up to it https://time.com/5385842/geoffrey-owens-cosby-show-actor-grocery-store-speaks-out/

"every job is a good job"

i think of that so often

i gotta sleep