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2026-08-08 15:37:23 +00:00
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@@ -200,4 +200,6 @@ last week, for my exam, i got this question wrong about, i think it was the only
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVj8SY5nYvA yeah, see ugh, ive known about this since hs, that ppl who are very cs, have TO BE THIS stereotype thing, of being very robotic and autistic, so the reason i dont tell ppl, since hs, a lot of what i want to do, what i like, who i am, aside from very close friends and my family, is bc, there is this understanding, that if u have a fking personality, u cant be in math/cs, thats been very hurtful to me, i dont care about ppls opinions, i know who i am, i had decided in hs, i enjoy this cs stuff, i dont want ppl to know that about me so i'll let them assume, im some moron, some idiot with blonde highlights, __thats easier for me, think less of me, idc.__ i can be really serious, like really, really serious, and i can be very fun, so i dont believe in that idea that u need to be this stereotype to be very math/cs. what i learned at msk last yr, women in compbio, older/younger than me, so in nyc, are not people pleasers @ work & they immediately shut down anything someone incorrectly assumes about them when a new person doesnt think they dont have experience in something, like fking immediately. everytime i saw that, i was like, there's a lot i need to learn, its not just the code/python etc, its this whole thing, and it's very new york, i had not seen that in penn, i saw it at sampled so nj too. its the "i dont even owe u a fking smile but ure going to respect me for my qualifications & experience anyway" type thing. 
-im saying it this way, bc, i cant describe it any better, but in nyc, as a woman in STEM, u have to be an absolute c*nt at work, 1. stfu i need this info from u to get my work done 2. i dont owe anyone even a smile, nothing 3. u have to respect me, regardless of what i look like, based on my qualifications & experience & im going to CORRECT you immediately (in front of ppl) if u think i dont have exp in something i have exp in (i saw this happen & it was the right thing to do). but here is the thing, THAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE, ive known, i get it, i grew up in NJ, i can be that, HOWEVER, that type of attitude @ penn would have intimidated ppl & that would have worked against me (i.e "you're too mean" "you're too forward") bc thats a different environment, ppl are different, its complicated, but that is correct, to be more of an absolute non-people pleasing, (no other way to say it) an absolute fking c-nt @ work. 
+im saying it this way, bc, i cant describe it any better, but in nyc, as a woman in STEM, u have to be an absolute c*nt at work, 1. stfu i need this info from u to get my work done 2. i dont owe anyone even a smile, nothing 3. u have to respect me, regardless of what i look like, based on my qualifications & experience & im going to CORRECT you immediately (in front of ppl) if u think i dont have exp in something i have exp in (i saw this happen & it was the right thing to do). but here is the thing, THAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE, ive known, i get it, i grew up in NJ, i can be that, HOWEVER, that type of attitude @ penn would have intimidated ppl & that would have worked against me (i.e "you're too mean" "you're too forward") bc thats a different environment, ppl are different, its complicated, but that is correct, to be more of an absolute non-people pleasing, (no other way to say it) an absolute fking c-nt @ work. 
 if i really wanted to stay at penn for awhile, i would have cared more but i didnt so i did not. i wrote in my spreadsheet of the jobs i was applying to in 2014-2015, "max 2 yrs" i want to work before applying to grad school. so im sitting around, at lunch, laughing with my work friends about the dumbest sht on the planet like it really is hs, and that was fine, bc in my mind, i knew it was temporary.